A Cautious Evolutionary Move
by Rifles
Summary: For Lee Adama understanding is only half of the problem. For Caprica Six Evolution is not what its cracked up to be. What happens when these very diffrent lives merge? An alt. universe story that picks up after The Son also Rises...
1. Chapter 1

**A Cautious Evolutionary Move**

Looking for a ladder  
In the stratosphere  
So I can be happy  
Let my problems melt away…..

…..Running on a plane  
with a cigarette  
I carry my heart  
like a soldier with a hand grenade….

-Beck

**Chapter One:**

I did not sit on an empty spinning bed for months. I didn't have the time. I didn't have the chance. I never have the chance. I can hear Kara in my mind, "poor Lee always late for party, to the revolution, to the dance, to save me." I can hear her. I think, I know that there have been too many times she was trying to tell me something. Something she couldn't get out and now she is gone and now I can't even mourn her. The only time I have is to get back on track…I can not suffer for her the way I want or should. I don't because they wouldn't let me.

They could be anyone. The Cylons. The Cylon Raiders. The Cylon Basestars. Those unknown Cylons not on their Raiders or their Basestars, just lurking out there waiting to be discovered. They could the President, my Father, my wife, the children I'll never have, the lawyer who knew a piece of me. All of them all stuck in time with me, all beside me flying, sailing in broken dust and fragments of what use to be, no….. Not me, never me. I am too mighty, king of the pilots, master of nothing and confusion. They. They all keep moving and that means I have to move with them.

I never get to stop. Get out stretch my legs, breath the air, carry the sound. Why should Kara's death be any different or tragic than any of the others. Those faces on the walls. Only they aren't walls really. Slates of metal and alloy bucking concaving just enough to let the pin cushion feel pierce through to hold the image of what they all use to be. The dead take up more room on this ship than the living. And where does that leave me?

Standing spinning looking into the haunted face of a woman….a being, a thing. She looks familiar. I am familiar with her. We know each as well as enemy combatants can know each other. I know those eyes, that mouth, that hair. I know this woman. And we have never really met. She is dressed in all black this lady of death. She is tall, lean, taught, and perfect despite her incarceration. She is suffering and will not allow herself to feel. She is a Cylon and she just glanced at me.

I can feel her pain or can she feel mine? Does my distraction get to her, or does her need get to me? She is a predator and she is alone cut off from her pack. And worst of all, worse than genocide, and thousands of screams bought on by my hand, worse than Kara, and Kara getting dead, and Kara getting married and Kara running off, and Kara blowing up and blowing up being worse than her married and just as dead, worse than all of this unrelenting frakking nightmare of shit that keeps on keeping on is that this thing, this dangerous murderess thing is stunning, tragic and beautiful and haunting and deadly, accurate, sensuous and beautiful.

And I said that already.

I have seen her many disguises. Battered and abused, tortured alone, curious in wondering if her crime was worthy of the punishment bestowed by the Admiral who was not my father, the wounded and bruised thing that vanished after her just revenge? Or calculated murder? It was not my battle then to worry about her. the other, serious, a provincial clerk in disguise, glasses (dad mentioned her glasses), trying to convince us, to get us to believe the very thing we are ironically trying dissuade others from believing, the sick one, again so alone, so helpless, reaching for something, running against her fear, running to the very thing we all….humans cling to.

All these different persona's all with the same number: Six

Our eyes meet and our pain merges. We loved and we lost and we sit. She sits I stand. We share this moment. And what comes from her are words behind words. It's their way, women and the machines who pretend to be. She uses words like "feckless" and "vain" and somewhere inside I know she means he left me. I'm all he had, all that could tolerate, all that could stand the sight of him and he left ME.

She's wounded and outraged. I know how she feels.

She is low. Level. Never looses her cool. Never breaks a sweat not a hair out of place. Perfect. She has to be a machine, because she is unusual and seems to scream love me I'm unusual. She is unreal. And that is all that has gotten into me today. Oh yeah I registered all the other things, be a man, step out of my father's shadow, help Sam, help Kara, meet with the President, all the usual trappings. I get them. I do. Yet no one gets me. No one understands what it was like, no one was there. Not one person on this ship watched as Kara…..and now I can't say it.

In that shared eye catching moment she knew. Yet they are not like us. They don't register things at the speed we do. They are faster, everything they do is a second faster. That's the imperative. I couldn't hide it, was not really trying and there she was reading me like so many strands of code. She knew. And I knew and now I can't stop thinking about her. About what Dr. Baltar said….about how she could destroy him. They have been trying to destroy us since before I was born, they evolved, they have this elaborate agenda and yet she gave that all away for what? Not for Gaius Baltar, no….not for Athena or her child. No….not to be here…..and yet she is……the question is why?

I need to know.

This handsome man walks into my cell. The whispers of my phantom love hiss in jealousy. The handsome man takes a seat just to my right. The handsome man seems to have a lot occupying his thoughts. I lean a little to get a sense, to try to see if I can feel the blood in his mind moving. Nothing. I miss who I use to be. We sit in silence of each other. The dull steady pulse of the Galactica's engines, the oxygen scrubbers, the rattle of the marine rifles, the handsome man's breathing. I see Gaius out of the corner of my eye. He is openly scowling at the man. Neither has said a word. We where never programmed to be bored.

"I don't know why I am here." the handsome man says.

"Neither do I."

"My name is Lee Adama."

"I don't have a name. I have a designation."

"Well that's not exactly true is it?"

"Now I don't know what you mean."

"Gaius….er…Dr. Baltar said you are Caprica Six…..that struck me as odd. From what I know you all have numbers….well except for Sharon…"

"We all? Yes we all have numbers, including Sharon….she is an Eight and I am a Six."

"Yes you are a Six…..but why Caprica Six…..why would he call you that…..after our home world….its odd to me…..frankly a little morbid…..do you understand morbid?"

"I do. I understand a lot of things."

"_You can see where this is going…..you can't tell him….can you? Fess up and all that….tell him who you really on darling…."_ Gaius dares me. His eyes now entirely focused on me. The heat rises, the handsome man, Lee….he suspects some truth. The real truth. The truth if known would mean my certain death, possible resurrection? No I don't want that. There is something to be done here. It is not to save "him." No it is to save myself. If such a thing is possible. This is what I will say:

"I had a mission on Caprica and I fulfilled it. Lee Adama….Major. Former commander of the Battlestar Pegasus. I know a lot of things. I understand more than you could imagine Lee Adama. We are alike in many ways."

"We are not the same." he says this adamantly. To a point he believes.

"We bleed and we feel, we love and loved, we fight and we die."

"Come on, you don't die and you know it." he says, with a slight air of bitterness.

"We die often enough and you know it. So my name is a tribute to my mission's success. I did not want the designation. It was bestowed upon me by my….masters yes…..masters. I am a solider like you. I was programmed like you to fulfill my mission. We are more alike than you can ever imagine."

The handsome Lee Adama. Major, he looks lost. I understand that.

"You know the more time we spend near your kind, the worse off we all become." Lee says with a hint of irony.

"That's funny the same was said about me…...Cylon psychology is based on projection."

"What does that mean?" Lee asks leaning in a bit closer. He has the scent of bourbon, sweat, engine oil and grief, a lingering hint of woman, of aftershave, possibly homemade. Its nice.

"It means I never get bored. Just restless."

"Aren't they the same thing?"

"No they are not."

He thinks for a moment. Gaius leans against the wall peering angrily at me. I have never seen him like this.

"I don't know why I thought coming in here and talking to a machine would help me. This is how frakked up I have become……Did you really love Gaius Baltar?" he asks not sure of the question.

"You know the answer to that question. Why does it matter to you if I did?"

"I don't know. I guess it matters. It changes things doesn't it?"

"It certainly did for me. I gave it all away for him; I changed my world, my universe. I don't know if it was for the better."

"How does it feel to be cutoff from them? Your Cylon comrades?"

"Different. It feels different. I have so many feelings trying for the surface of me that I have begun to silence them, to force them down. It's a struggle just to breathe with all that longing and missing, I try to shut it out, it's a difficult thing. I never use to feel this, and now it's all I feel."

Moments pass. Lee, Gaius and me. What are we doing here?

"_You've got him now darling. Is this the entire truth?"_

Handsome Lee Adama rises from the chair taking his sweat and bourbon and lingering scent of his marriage with him. He looks back at me as if understanding meant too much, as if questions answered tore open wider holes, I look back into his eyes, so clear and blue, I think of the sky and I smile at him. He looks devastated. The water sparkles and the waves gently lap the sandy shore. The guard closes the cell salutes the Major. I am snapped back into the reality of the cold cell, the bland blankets, the metal table.

Gaius is nowhere to be seen. I think of Lee and close my eyes.

Walking to Joe's and I've never needed a drink more. What is it about them? Is it that they are machines that bleed? Is it that we think we can get answers out of them that make sense? Is it that they mock us with their very existence? Is it that they are so real? I could feel the heat that radiated off of her. Like a walking furnace, make it twelve drinks. Something had to make this day end.

I sit at the bar at the very end and notice all the usual suspects, Racetrack and Skulls, Hotdog, Seelix….Chief and Cally huddled in a corner. Life moving at the same pace. I should go check on Romo; on Gaius, on my wife….nothing scares me more right now that dealing with all that. I down my shots and make my way out of there before anyone can say "Hey Apollo how are you holding up?"

How am holding up? My father tried to make it better by giving me my wings back and it only made things worse. He never understands, I never understand. I am not sure where to go what to do, I can't do this anymore and so I grounded myself in a manner of speaking. This inherently brings about worse things to do with my headspace. Being grounded means I have nothing to do. Being grounded means I have nowhere to go but home. Being grounded means I now have the time to think about Kara.

I wander the ship in a daze and find myself on the observation deck. The only glimpse of the universe that can be seen on this tub. The line isn't so long and I wait. The random pieces of conversation drift in and out of my senses.

"He is guilty he's always been, remember that toaster said he gave away our secrets…its all connected man……have you seen her picture on the wanted list…..she's a hot one….."

"Everyone deserves a trial…..even him…."

"Did you hear about the pilot who killed herself?'

"I heard that the chief beats his wife…."

Like we don't exist.

Civilians run the ship now. Starbuck was right. They all turn and notice the marine salute me and suddenly the conversation stops and they all have somewhere else to be. It leaves me alone with another couple in a heated embrace. I sit and watch the stars. Billions of tiny lights. Someone looking at me right now? A passerby in the night? I close my eyes and I think of her. I see her viper go up and break into tiny pieces. I keep them shut. I feel dizzy like I'm going to be sick. I take a deep breath and get up and head to my quarters.

My wife sleeps. Rolled tight in a ball. She has not said many words to me lately. I've said less to her. A choice that seemed so right now….seems like more bars for my cage. Does she feel it? I stare at the bed. I stare at the walls, I stare at the books. None of it makes any sense to me. This can't all be my stuff. This can't all be me?

I take a pillow as soundless as I can and I lay on the sofa. When I close my eyes I see her. Not the blonde that was Kara, not the blonde who I left the day our world went away, but the blonde in the cell. The one who is changing the air I breathe. The one who lets me think of other things. I lie still for the longest time thinking of her. This woman who is anything but. I think of Gaius Baltar and his obvious fear of her. of what she could do to him. His words echoing in my mind_….."she can destroy me." _The day was playing over in my mind. Sam on the deck, the wall of the dead, Romo, Dad, but I kept going back to her. Thinking of her made all the hurt go away. Thinking of her made no sense. It was the perfect distraction. I think of her and her beauty and her ferocity. I think of her because understanding her is hell of a lot easier than anything on my mind right now. I think of her. I want to understand the fascination. I shake myself out of my reverie. Its too crazy, and I am going crazy.

She is the enemy. I close my eyes and I go to sleep.

They turn the lights down at a certain point. I find it positively amusing and so does Gaius. We face each other the light of the moon reflecting off the water dancing in his eyes. His jealousy from Lee Adama's visit seems to have subsided and he seems downright playful now. I am distracted and my mind drifts back to Lee's eyes. Filled with sadness and grief I wondered why….

"You fancy him don't you?" Gaius asks handing me a martini reading my thoughts.

"No….I am curious about him. He seems different somehow."

"And what about "him"?"

"There is no "him." You know that."

"You amuse me to no extent. Your heart's barely beating, your mind trapped with him at every moment and you lie to me…..just as well…I know you. You can't lie to me darling. You mend you broken heart however you wish. I won't stand in your way."

"I love you Gaius. I don't know how many times I've said it."

"No, you don't love me. You had him and her and I was not even good enough for an after thought."

"That's a lie."

"My darling. I never left you, and you never thought of me. All is forgiven. You've done your part wonderfully. And he is just a distraction. I give you my full confidence."

"You are jealous aren't you?"

"Me, jealous of "him," you can't be serious?"

"No, of Lee you are jealous of Lee Adama?"

"Stop, you are embarrassing yourself."

"Here's what I think…...I wondered why you pushed me to "him." And you did. You wanted me to see "him" again, you wanted me to be with "him" and love "him" just so he could break me, corrupt me even more. And here you are looking like "him" feeling like "him" telling me everything that I am afraid to hear, and you vanish. Only to return to kick me while I'm down again. You are a damaged part of me. My fear manifested or something to that accord. Possibly my guilt for what I did to "him," how I used "him" to murder his own people. You are not Gaius you are a damaged voice in my head, some synaptic fatigue, yes….why are you laughing."

"I am a damaged part of you subconscious struggling for self expression is that it?"

"Yes exactly…"

"You sound oddly more and more like a human. Let me remind you darling that you are a machine. And machines do not have a subconscious. I am trying to help you. I am trying to love you to save you. You may not realize this but you are in dire need of saving. Look around you at where you are. Without me you will not make it thru this. There has been something on the horizon, something that has been building; we are advancing closer to a moment that you are not prepared for."

"What? What are you talking about?"

"It's too soon. What we need to focus on is your survival. Come let's walk and get out of this dreary place. Lets not think about "him" or the Major, lets you I be together like the past, come darling I know you miss it."

This is a curious moment in my mind. I had no thoughts of my Phantom while I was with D'Anna and Gaius. We where perfect and now I am here. I have to sneak this thought by him so I can realize a truth I have been avoiding. D'Anna was right we are corrupted by our contact with humans. I am a broken machine. Seeing Gaius in this moment is proof. I have lost some key component and he is the manifestation of my guilt. It was too raw, too real my resurrection. I was filled with a seizing terror about what I had lost and there he was like magic and he guided me. This is funny. I'll play along. Next he will tell me that I have some divine purpose.

"Darling you do. Only I can help you see this lets walk we have so much to do."

Something about Lee Adama that he is afraid of. That will be the only moment I can think and be alone. I process this thought quickly and Gaius smiles as we walk hand and hand down to the waters edge. The marine guarding me only sees me walking up and down my cell.

Romo was still down for the count the next morning. Dee had mid watch, dad wanted another meeting. The President wanted a meeting. Helo had a question about Blue Squadron, Hotdog wanted to know if I was ok. Tyrol wanted to make sure about the mods I asked for before Kara died. Gaeta had some odd random question about some Nebula, Col. Tigh wanted to know what I wanted to do with Kara's stuff, Sam was in a cast and on and on and on. I drifted in and out of all these lives and there were still 4 hours to kill. Time on a Battlestar….I might as well try to find Earth with a compass.

I head back to the observation deck. The line was down to the next corridor and I lost interest. I knew what I wanted to do but I told myself no. I knew what I had to do to make myself hurt less and I went with it. I walked down to the brig to pay a visit to our wonderful client. I didn't want to talk shop with him I just I wanted to understand something. Something I was getting close to. Something that was making me feel everything around me only dulled down.

The marine salutes. Its Vener, I had not seen him in the longest time.

"Major, it's been a while."

"Yes it has."

"I'm sorry to hear about Capt. Thrace. She was a great person. Nasty card player but a great person. She'll be missed."

"Thanks…..um….I am here to see Dr. Baltar."

"The President gave strict orders….let me see….well you are on the list so go right in."

"Thank you Vener….."

When I walk in Gaius is reading out loud a novel I recognized, Blurred Lines of Perfection. Mindless philosophy. I clear my throat and Gaius jumps up out of his cot. He stammers, and looks sweaty and nervous like I caught him doing something he wasn't supposed to. I had seen him do this many times and had no real reaction to it. I was still stuck on the mere mention of Kara's name. Gaius looks off to the side as if he was in the middle of a conversation. He quiets himself and asks about his attorney.

"Romo's fine. Bumps and bruises nothing serious he will be ready for the trial."

"Good…..um Major…..is true about Capt. Thrace? Is she dead?"

I look at him for the longest time. I forget that once upon a time they had a fling. I don't feel the joyously that I once did. I didn't even think of it till now. He seems genuinely concerned. He waits for answer maybe taking it as my grief.

"Yeah….she's gone….."

"Sorry….um….so what are you doing here?"

"Actually I wanted to talk about Caprica Six."

"Why?" he looks offended, angry maybe even a little jealous. Things where looking up.

"It's strictly confidential….its not for the trial I was just curious about her. What is she like?"

"Are you mad?"

"No….I don't think so."

"Oh I see this is some kind of revenge for sleeping with Capt. Thrace…..right snatch her away from me while I rot in this cell!"

"No…..no….…..that's not what I meant…..why does she hate you so much?'

"Me, she hates me….that's funny. Tell you what Major…..you try to crack her…..try it….."

"What do you care about her anyway….she's just a pawn to you…..a way to clear you conscience right? Why do you call her Caprica….little morbid isn't it?"

"She tell you why?"

"She said she had a mission….she was a solider…."

"Major…I am sorry for your loss really I am. Believe it or not it really doesn't make a bit of difference to me. You are assistant to my attorney and for that alone I will give you some advice. Caprica Six is a clever woman, don't let her get inside. Now if you'll excuse me I have nothing to do and would like to do alone."

"One last question, that little song dance yesterday with Romo, you know "tell her I love her" and all that, that was bullshit right?"

"I don't see your point Major."

"Well you either love her or you don't. Something tells me you don't. So why lie to her, what do you have to gain?" He looks at me hard in the eyes. I touched a nerve. Stung him somehow. He looks to the side again. Runs his hand in his greasy hair. He takes a deep breath and answers my question.

"Between you and me, I loved her till she destroyed my world and in the symbolic non literal and literal sense. I loved her and I didn't even know. When I saw her again and again and again in my mind she became something new and far more deadly. I don't understand any of it. I have given up trying. I believe the answer lies in death and when the moment comes I will know for sure. Don't do whatever it is your thinking."

"What did she do, Gaius….what did she do?" I ask, tight maybe even a little desperate.

"Your not listening. I am trying to help you….to spare you…and your not listening. Neither did I and look….this is where I was destined to be….you want answers get them from her. You are going to do it anyway…find out the hard way….leave me in peace…."

He turns and walks back to his cot. He gets under the sheet turns on his side and closes his eyes. I see a faint drops sliding down his face. This was such a mistake. Now I need to know more.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two:**

I run into Helo in Causeway G. He seemed distracted. He seemed like there were a lot of things on his mind. He was Kara's best friend and I have been avoiding him like the Picon Plague. He almost walked past me but stopped and saluted. We had not seen eye on most things since his return from Caprica. His love and devotion to Athena caused most of the rift; Kara's undying unshakable belief in him helped it along. For a long time I hated him I didn't understand him. He ticked me off. It was mostly due to his unwavering sympathy for the Cylons that kept us at arms length, but now so much has changed. I was beginning to see him in a new light.

"You're the CAG now Helo you don't have to…."

"I can't help it and even though I am the acting CAG you still out rank me…..Its protocol sir."

"Helo…..I…"

"Don't worry I answered my own question about Blue Squadron after I left you yesterday….I was on my way to get Hera from daycare…."

"Yeah…..Helo….How are you….dealing with…"

"Right…you mean about Starbuck?"

"Yeah."

"I don't know…..how to feel…..I don't know how I should feel. We lose people everyday it seems…..and each time it gets worse……maybe it hasn't hit me yet, and you?"

"Its hit me….."

I don't look back. I keep moving forward. Helo doesn't bug me and goes about his day. I am wandering the ship again. There is nowhere to go. When I felt this boxed in I'd just shuttle over to Cloud 9….visited the girls…..no more Cloud 9…..no more girls. I am rounding the corner heading to see dad when the I hear the sound I have dreams about. I hear the slightly slurred and bitter voice of Col. Tigh urging us to set condition one throughout the ship. Its not a drill, it never is. I head back to where I came from and power my way to C.I.C.

There is flurry and movement and Gaeta is reading out trajectories and caroms. Dee is barking the stand by Gamma 9 coordinates, Tigh is glaring at me. I can read his mind now. He thinks in his drunken way "gods damn it Apollo…..what are you doing here?" As soon as I think it my father tells me to leave that I am a distraction. He doesn't meet my eyes.

"Admiral the fleet is away…" Dee says with pride. She takes no notice of me what's so ever.

"Get our birds back and lets join them." Dad says not taking his eyes off the dradis.

"The Cylons are not launching Raiders……" Gaeta shouts, confused.

"We've seen this before." Tigh Mutters.

All the consoles glow. It's odd. They glow in the room and everyone stops. The Cylons jump away. Something odd is happening. My father glares again and I take the hint. Flurry of movement marine's standby. Nothing happens for a few minutes. I make my way to the bowels of the ship where the Six is being held. When I get there we are standing down. The red glow of the alert is gone. The ships lights return to normal, the "bucket" is still here. My universe still surrounds me. I see her leaning against her cage. She looks casual and calm. No one is guarding her cell. I knock on the glass to get her attention. She walks over to the phone and picks up the receiver. She smiles. I feel confused.

"What did you do to the guards?"

"Lee Adama, you wound me. How am I supposed to affect anything from the confines of my prison cell?" she smiles again. Her eyes try to trap me. I look away.

"Why can't you all just answer the questions we ask? Why all the….you know the…."

"They ran off….got some direction from one of your men. A burley man….dark hair….he said there was an accident…..I have nowhere to go. They left me."

"No way……"

"I am sorry to say this….but if I wanted out of this room it wouldn't be hard…..I am more than capable….."

"I'm sure you are……so why not leave?"

She looks off to the side. Something catches her eye. She says nothing but grows uncomfortable as the seconds tick by. She moves her head slightly as if she never looked away. There was something familiar about her behavior…..Gaius…..he does the same thing……

"I'm still trying to figure that part out." She glares intently at me. What is on her mind? I think about hanging up and getting some marines in here. I am thinking about how I shouldn't believe a thing that comes from her. I am thinking about how there is no escape from this life I'm living. I am thinking that I have missed so many chances to die. I am thinking about how they would all feel knowing that we lost. I am thinking about doing what's expected of me. I am thinking that's it amazing how real she is. I take a deep breath. Her eyes have not left mine. I was thinking all of it and she was with me. I get back to the course, be a man right?

"The Cylons…..they were just here…..no fight, no Raiders……our consoles glowed ….pure iridescent light….then nothing…..any ideas?"

"There are coming for me." she says all matter of fact.

"What does that mean?"

"Not very smart are you Lee….handsome but not smart…I'll give you a 7 minutes before your ship powers down and you can't catch up with your fleet….I could help……it was my plan after all…didn't think it would work….though. I think you have traitors on your ship."

"What's in it for you?"

"I'm still trying to figure that out…..call who you have to… the clock is ticking…"

I scare them. They scare me. No Gaius. On my own. Time to think. To process. I will not die. But they will. I will not fear. Yet I do. It goes against my sense, common. I wish I had answers to questions. I wish I didn't hate "him." Love "him"? Who knows? The plan was simple. One of there own. Caught programmed. Our eyes met in docking bay as they hauled me off to my unknowing. The code recognized... I knew who she was. I knew her mission "DEMAND PEACE." Want death?

I like watching the kind God walk away. Apollo, such a fierce young man. Filled with loss and longing did he hate "her" as well? The woman who left him? He is fit in a way I admire most about the humans. He is fit in mind and spirit. There is such a thing as spirit. The essence of one. I like the quiet moments.

Marines come and point their weapons even though I am behind steel, and bars of gated metals, glass. They point their rifles and they are scared. I fear for them, for me. The leader appears, the woman, spirit blazing and the elder, the wise, the father of the young God he is with her. They are in love though they will never see it.

She speaks. I listen.

"You are aware of the current situation?"

"I am the one who bought it to your attention."

"We don't have time for games and double talk. Either tell us what you know and how we can fix or…" the father says, his eyes don't meet mine.

"No need for threats. There were simulations run on New Caprica, it was determined that at a certain point if courses ran their path you would find a way to rescue your people, a failsafe was implemented under the guise of Cylon sympathizers. They would re-infect your ship at a time of their choosing, perhaps waiting for a sign or signal. I suppose my arrival was that sign... I can fix the problem easy enough….."

"_For a price darling…you should barter for a slice of freedom….what could it hurt?" _

"What do you have to gain for this?" The president asks.

"Proof that I am a step closer. That I am here of my own will, that you see this and believe it to be true."

"Admiral…you can't believe this…..this is part of her plan….she admitted as much." Lee Adama says. He is filled with bitterness and anger. Its seeping out of him. He glares at me, his true nature showing through. His true nature that exists solely on betrayal.

"I am being truthful. I was a solider I had a mission surely you respect that and understand where I am coming from."

The father shakes his head. Laughing almost. He is wise and understands the futility of discussing truths at a moment like this.

"Take our prisoner to C.I.C. I want the corridors clear we'll be there momentarily."

They shackle me fast enough. They move fast and as one, their Admiral is near. Lee Adama and I stand perilously close to one another and the minute stands. Eyes are level breath is quickening. Gaius clears his throat and my attention is grabbed. The Admiral pulls his son close to him, murmurs into his ear. They nod and agree. The marines grab. They pull and I follow. It would be so easy. Kill them all. End this conflict. But I can't. I won't. I like it here. Things are moving toward a moment. A moment that I might not be prepared for and I am getting closer to that possible moment.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

They lead her out. I do not follow. Not wanted. Not needed, I roam around. There is this stillness and the air seems stale. That feeling again of being trapped. On the flight deck the marine nods then salutes me and lets me pass. Chief barks his orders and everyone moves as one. They take no notice of me. I'm not one of them any longer.

Everything is slowing down. I make my way to Joe's. This is the only place that makes sense. No one is around. Conner asks for my order and he stops and realizes that I want what I always get, bourbon. Only it's not really bourbon it's that modified stuff that we get from the refinery.

Moments pass and the stillness is killing me. It's the oddest sensation to not be a part of it. Not to fit into any plan. To know that she is leading us to our doom or worse becoming a salvation. Been there done that. I knock my glass on the table and he pours another. He knows better than to make small talk and keeps his eyes on the wireless.

The alert chimes in and seconds later we are making a jump. It's the calmest strand of time in a jump. There is nothing for the slightest of moments, you are here and then you are there. My first jumps where all simulations, my first real jump was what I always imagined death to be like. The more they went on the less I felt them, the more they went on the closer I felt to disappearing. The more they went on the more I liked it.

There are cheers when we come out of it. The jump is successful, Connor and I share a look at the wireless and overhear the jubilation of the Fleet knowing we caught up and the Cylons didn't. Whatever Caprica did, it was right.

I have another. And another as Joe's fills with patrons. I have another. She floats into my mind and I tune her out. I see her, steely eyed and sinister. I shake the thought. I don't want to think about Kara. It's all too new and fresh. I have another and get that sense of her, not Kara….Six. I think about how warm she was, how she smelled sweet, something, some scent I had never noticed on the ship. Yes think about Six and stop thinking about Kara. Makes perfect sense. What I don't notice and what I just feel is that an hour has gone by. Joe's is crowed with people who realize how to close to death they are. Dee walks in and makes her way over to me. She seems tired.

"Here you are, we've been looking all over…..Lee….are you ok?" small kiss, loving sad look in her eyes. Pity isn't all it's supposed to be.

"Yes, no….." I say not making eye contact with her.

"You missed something interesting…."

"Tell me…." I fake.

"The Cylon corrected the issue, faster than….."

"Look…….I don't really want to talk about this right now…." And I really don't. Not with you. Stop talking about her, I think it I don't say it.

"I know….I'm sorry…..she fixed the bug and pointed the….the…"

"Yeah I know…look I gotta get out of here…..I'll see you at home." before she can continue I stumble out she calls after me and I make my way to the bowels of the ship again.

The marines are back at their post and they let me into her cell without fan fair. They hover but don't follow me in. She is sitting on her bunk with her arms wrapped around herself. Almost like she was trying to keep something inside. I was suddenly happy to see her and the shots swirled around nervous and wrenching in my system. Her cell seems dull and without much light. I guess they dim the lights. Is it nighttime?

"Lee…..what do I owe the honor?" she purrs.

"You saved us," I slur.

"You are…intoxicated…..why?"

"You….saved us…."

"Right….yes I rewrote some errant strands of code….eradicated the bug, and identified the woman. My word was trusted and here we are."

"Why are you doing this? No games I want something….some kind of rational….truth, yeah truth."

She considers me for a moment. Her eyes search me for something. What? She moves a little correcting her position. I feel strange like I should be afraid. Like any second she could kill me, I should be afraid, she is the enemy is she not? I stand my ground. I got my marines. Our eyes are glued to each other. what does she notice about me, my frakked up hear, my disheveled uniform, my grief, my red face, blurred eyes, does she see someone in pain, someone who lost? Does she feel pity?

She was talking I missed something….

"………..I died and resurrected….I think in the process of dying…..and resurrecting….I suspect that I developed a soul, or fragments of a soul, I haven't been myself. The other Cylons believe me to be malfunctioning or corrupted. I feel like I am closer to….closer…"

"Being human?" did I just say that? She thinks for a second and smiles, sad, sweet, not sure which emotion to use maybe?

"Yes. We are going round and round on this subject?"

"Why do you think that is?"

"Because you can't face a simple fact. Because you refuse to see…..what…." She looks of to the side again. Her face, frozen. I see the contours of her face. The sharpness of her features, so different. Yet…she stops talking.

"Come on…..I can't see what…tell me." a little desperate again.

"Lee Adama, if there's nothing more I'd like to go to sleep."

"Cylons really sleep, as in you get tired?" she looks me dead in the eyes as if I was a stupid moron. Maybe I am…

"Yes we get tired. Goodnight…"

She rises up and before the marines can get a gun on her she kisses my cheek. And if things where not frakked beyond reason before they are worse now. I have nowhere to go, nowhere to escape to and she won't leave me. I take one last look as the marines keep their gaze on her. I walk out and they follow. The door clicks shut. They stare at me while I stare at her. Where is this going?

I watch as Lee Adama walks away. He is wounded and it shows all through his color. The marine guards the Admiral posted pace back and forth in their 45 second intervals. Life is a curious thing. Lee looks back and I feel the weight of his stare. And I again think of life, and again Gaius glares. We should talk, yet before I open my mouth to speak he is gone and away. What a curious day.

Free moment to think and process. He wears a ring. A simple band of honor and affection. I took note of everyone in C.I.C and noted the presence of the rings. Several including the Admiral, Col. Tigh, two ensigns and a Lieutenant. It gives me something to calculate and it makes the minutes drag less and less.

I wonder where Gaius is being held? I wonder if he truly thinks of me. I imagine that he does not. I imagine that the love I wasted on him was my own punishment. I cannot question the will, I cannot question the loss I feel, the confusion. The longing of some kind of understanding. It seemed so easy so long ago.

There was this saying that I learned from my encounters with humans. It was something like, ah yes it was a saying I heard actually. "Did you ever wish that you never woke up?" I found the doom of that question frightening at one point in my existence for this is not life. I loved waking in Gaius's arms, feeling the weight of him, the scent of him, his heartbeat, other things, the blue of a sky, the wetness of water, the wind before a rainstorm, the sounds of love and nature. I could never imagine not waking and having a sense of those things. It was a barbaric comment, proving more and more that humans where as they say, "Yesterdays news."

What I feel now is the wrenching agony of failure and of loss. What I feel like now, I feel like never waking up. As if all this around me held any clarity whatsoever. No, Gaius is in my head, not in my bed. He left me for another. Just a man, a human. I loved and betrayed and led to so much death of selfishness of love. And all I want to do is sleep and never wake. Yet there is this pull from Lee. Handsome Lee who is strong is his wounded nature. Who eyes are blue like so many missed skies, and Gaius won't leave me. Haunting and mocking and so passionate. I miss the murmur of my kind. Thousands of voices humming in time, whispering those words we already knew. I cringe at the sound of the switch, its meal time, its wash time. And Gaius won't leave me alone, and he doesn't love me. What makes this a goodnight?


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four:**

I dream that Gaius and I are walking. It's green and fertile and my lies have not reached us yet. Gaius is pompous yet charming all over again, the feel of his hand warm, the scent of him making me crazy, the breeze lightly mussing our hair. We walk hand and hand as the day melts into night. We stop near a tree and he whispers things into my ear, things about how we are, how we should be, a joke of why I never tell him my name, how he can't call out anything in the throes of passion, how he can't tell his friends about the wonderful woman that makes his world stop. I laugh and he is confused, he is scared of the suddenly fiery sky, unprepared for the sound of bombs hitting the ground and the wind whirling all around us, I kiss him as I tear his heart out.

It's the unknown time in the well known place.

The tray of algae meatloaf rests untouched at the entrance to my cell. I take a deep breath and curse the errant tear that slides down my face. Watery nonsense. I contemplate eating and think better, worse thoughts. The halogen glares and the hum is suddenly unbearable again. I am beginning to hate this place. As if on cue, as if sensing my unrest my Phantom appears. Wearing that suit Gaius wore the day before I destroyed his world. He seems pensive and annoyed at the same time. What is the link? He smokes his magical cigar. He runs his hands through his imaginary hair. He walks over to sit by me. The cologne lingers, the sound of his breathing; it's all the same and its entirely different. Why did I have that dream?

"_I suppose that is as a good a place as any to start. So tell me darling, again, tell me what we are doing here?"_

He has asked me this question countless times. "No. No more childish games or riddles. I am quite past the shock of your appearance." He looks at me, through me. It makes me hurt. He speaks. _"Dry your eyes darling. I am here with wonderful news."_

"And what's that?" I tell him with as much unrestrained violence as I can muster.

"_You are evolving darling, guilt and pain, your lust for the Major; you are getting closer to that terrible moment. I can't wait to see what is going to come of it."_

"Why are you doing this to me?"

"_That is a wonderful question. You have company."_

And just as fast as he arrives he is gone. And loving him, he vanished and I am hanging onto a thread during the apocalypse. I glance into the eyes of the Admiral, he looks away. The guards stand on full alert, guns pointed and aimed high. I wait for him to speak and it seems to echo an eternity. The ship moves in increments, I hear hollowed voices in the corridors, shouts even laughter. Our hearing impeccable. He breathes gruff and from within. I wait a little longer. He asks for the guards to step outside, they do not question. Its then as they leave that his blue eyes meet mine. Darker shade of blue than his son, Lee must have the look of his mother. I don't have a mother.

"I wanted to thank you for the assistance you gave us earlier."

"No need. It's my survival too."

"Is it?"

"Well yes, I had a choice, I made a choice. I don't want to go back."

"May I ask why?"

"There is nothing for me there. It might shock you to know but I was not very popular amongst my kind."

"I see."

The silence lasts another eternity. In this space this moment I feel things bubbling to the surface. So much I want to atone for, so much I want to say. I say nothing.

"You are very different from the other Six model we encountered."

"Is that so?"

"There is a directness to you that the other didn't seem to have…..What was her mission?"

"I don't really know. I didn't know we had a Six here, it wasn't my mission."

"What was your mission?"

"_Careful darling you know what awaits you should you confess, then what, what if they are not near…..Unless, you want the unknown, unless the void calls you? Does it?"_

"……….Evolution. I was made to love, to be loved, to feel love."

"That's interesting. Why would the Cylons care so much about love?"

"Its god's will."

"Your one true god?"

"Yes. You are not a believer?"

"No."

"Admiral, I don't think there is an answer that I will give that will satisfy your questions. I helped Sharon because our lives have converged whether we like it or not. It was through love that the child was born. She was in mortal danger. She would not have resurrected had she been lost. I did what I thought was right for the betterment of both our kinds. I was on New Caprica, not all that happened…..I didn't want any of it to happen, I was shot, killed by one my own kind for not going with the plan. Unfortunately my love for Gaius corrupted me in the eyes of my kind; it was just a matter of time really."

"Time?"

"Before they boxed me."

"Boxed….as in…"

"Put on the shelf."

"Now that's interesting, how does one fall in love with Gaius Baltar?"

"I am still trying to figure that out."

"You should eat…Algae does not grow on tree's around here. If you do not require sustenance than we have plenty of mouths to feed…."

He turns and walks out. The guards lock the door and salute. The Admiral looks back, amused, confused. Had I said too much? Did I give too much of myself away? How could I love Gaius, and why did I stare so openly at Admiral Adama? Was I searching for traces of his son in his eyes? It's all fleeting….

Weeks go by. I go with them. I day dream about Kara because I can't dream at night. I don't visit Six but I think about her. Obsessed really. It's driving me a little crazy, which is a good thing as much as a bad thing. I can't talk to Dee anymore. I can't talk to my father, or to my friends. I avoid Anders, I avoid anyone who ever knew Kara, I am stuck between worlds, the world I knew, the world I left behind so many days ago, the world that surrounds me, the universe. Our search for Earth, Dr. Baltar's trial, Romo making lists, going over the case, its all a blur. I can't sleep, I can't eat, there is nowhere to go, nowhere I can hide, at night I drink, I scrub the wireless, I kick myself to not go see her. The thing that makes no sense, I can't stop thinking about how she would understand it all. If I let her in and tell her everything, she would get it.

This has been weeks. Weeks on a Battlestar feel more like decades. No enemy contact, no need for me. And so I wandered. Looking busy but being anything other than. One day maybe yesterday I don't do time anymore, no it was three days ago. I was wandering the ship again, and the corridors where cleared. I was on D working up the courage to see her when I ran into her convoy, marines, shackles, that metal bar they put around their necks, I still don't what the frak they call it. They where taking her to the head, to clean up, shower I guess. Our eyes met again. Gray luminous eyes of hers, the marines salute and I nod as they pass with her, and our skin touched just slightly, and that's when it hit me that I was being a coward, I am so afraid of human contact.

I didn't talk to anyone. I don't even know what the hell I did most days. All I know was that she scared me. She scared me because of how she real she is. It's a crime you know, it's a crime that she is here and Kara is gone, and it's a crime because I can't stop thinking about her, I can't talk to anyone, I can't do my job. I am losing it. I am losing it big time. Is she the only one, is a Cylon the answer to my prayers?

Since when did I start praying?


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five:**

Frak it.

I get dressed in my civilian clothes. I bring along Romo's briefcase and I play it off that I have to ask Six about the case. Its all lies. Dee is gone so I don't have to answer as to where I am going; she wouldn't want the answer anyway. I am not sure if that's the best way to handle our marriage. I walk uneasy down to the cell she is being held in. I didn't recognize the marine who let me in. Six was reading star charts and making notations on a stencil pad with a pencil. She is wearing Galactica pajama's and white socks. She didn't look dangerous at all. She looked soft all over, I took a deep breath.

"Major Adama……its been a while." She beams.

"Yes, I see you are keeping yourself busy." I say flat and dull.

"Well your father seems to think I can help you find Earth faster than the Cylons can."

"Yeah…Earth is a very hot topic around here."

She studies me. Notes that I am not in uniform. Stares at my hands, my face. She does not try to hide that she is studying me. I loosen my tie and take my jacket off and sit on her bunk. The marine looks uncomfortable with how close I am to her and I wave him off and motion for him to step outside. He does but leaves the door open. Six cracks her knuckles and its such a human thing to do. I shake my head.

"Major what can I do for you today?"

"Lee, call me Lee."

"Of course, Lee."

"You kissed me the last time I was here. On the cheek."

"I was compelled, you seemed like you needed the comfort."

"Was it that obvious?"

"Yes and no."

Its silent again. She barely breathes. That scent of her. Clean, nothing perfumed, not the scent of this stale cell. Not metal or grease, or death. She smells like she just came out of the shower only her hair is not wet. We sit side by side now.

"So how is Gaius?"

"I can't talk about that with you."

"It's a shame. I was hoping to hear that someone killed him. Oh well."

"What happened between you and Dr. Baltar? Why did he leave you, he did leave you?"

"Yes he left me for a Three."

"He left you for another Cylon? Was it a man?"

At first she is confused by the question. And then it hits her. My attempt at humor. She laughs and its sweet and wonderful, she smiles and there are these teeth, she laughs so hard that she rests her hand on my leg. Her hands are scalding hot. She takes a deep breath. I join her.

"That was……different."

"Different?"

"No one has made me laugh before. Its a new feeling. I like it."

"I haven't laughed since Kara…."

"Who is Kara? Your wife?"

"Heh….No….My wife is not Kara."

"You loved this woman, this Kara?"

How does she do it? Lures me in, didn't answer my question and has given me what I wanted from the moment our eyes met. Understanding. Can she change my mind? "I wasn't supposed to have her. She was my brother's girl, I introduced them. He fell for her faster than I did. What was I supposed to do you know, my big brother loved the same girl I did. So I let them have each other, then he died. This was before the attack. He died in a training exercise, Zak…was his name."

"You loved her and you let her go to your brother…..That is noble. I can add that to the list…"

"….Nobel…….We met up here on Galactica the day of the attack. I was not planning on being around her you know? She was just a painful reminder of my brother, I didn't see her and feel those……it was not the same. Shit happens and we get closer you know, danger all the time, you people trying to kill us, there she is just as messed up and crazy as she always was, gods I loved her. It was never the right time for us, she loved me when I didn't love her and round and round we went. She got married, then she got killed. I watched her die, I close my eyes and she is there, smiling, being an overall pain in the ass. She was fearless, even when she was scared, her will was like iron. Yes….I loved Kara."

"I am sorry she died, was it something we did?"

"No. That's the funny part, you never got her. No, Kara cracked up on her own."

"I truly am sorry. For all of it. I cannot convey to the depth of my sorrow. I don't expect for you to believe me. I worked to bring our people closer to each other but the damage was done when I…..when we destroyed your worlds. Can you forgive us, should you forgive us, can we forgive ourselves, does God really forgive all? I pace this cell trying to find the answers."

"What have you got so far?"

"That I am bored. Something I never thought would happen, that I will never grow old, yet I there is a chance I will die. Maybe I won't resurrect. I'll know oblivion except maybe I won't. A witness for all the time that is allowed. I don't like algae meatloaf, your father has trouble looking me in the eyes, you are unhappy, halogen lamps make my head hurt, and I wish that my existence was different somehow. But this is the road God chose for me and I have no choice but to walk it."

I turn and face her. She turns and faces me. Face to face with the enemy. I keep saying it in my mind, in my head I know its true. Logic and reason are yelling at each other inside of me. They are telling me to get my head straight, to stop falling for her bullshit. They are yelling for me to see their side, she is a machine, like I said. No mothers or fathers, crazy one God loving killing things, chasing us, driving Kara insane, we are toys to them on most days and lab rats on others. Role reversal. Baby killers. Every negative thing they are. They are trying to keep us from our only salvation; they are trying to take our only chance at survival. But not her, she made a choice, and worst of all Helo was right, Like it or not, she is a person, she made a choice and was rejected, its why she is here. No one else would have her. She moves to touch my face and I hear the gun come to. The marine grunts or mumbles for me to step away from the prisoner. She smiles again.

For such a complicated and wounded thing she smiles. I smile with her.

"Major I think your time is up."

"Yes Corporal I think you are right."

"Lee?" Those eyes again.

"Yeah?"

"Nothing….."

"Have fun star gazing." I say.

"Don't hurt so much, you'll age before your time."

"Thank you. Another time….."

I walk out of her home. Her prison. Her refuge. All in one. She is staring intently at the far corner of her cell. She seems upset. The marine is glaring at me. He thinks I am weak. Maybe he is right. I am walking out back up to C deck when I run into Dee. I don't really run into her as much as she was waiting for me.

"Gathering more evidence to defend that man?" she accuses.

"You know I am not allowed to talk about the case."

"Lee, I miss you."

"I see you every night; I am with you every morning. There is really nothing to miss."

"That's not what I mean. I miss the way we use to be. Ever since…..ever…since Starbuck…."

Just hearing her call sign. Just hearing her name was like being in a time machine. It's a loop in my head, Kara, Starbuck, Kara, Starbuck. I start walking. Dee trails behind me. The air is getting tighter, I feel like I am going to pop or throw up. Something. She grabs my arm, forces me to stop running.

"Lee. I am your wife. I deserve better."

"You are right. The problem is that the way we handle death around here, its not cutting it for me anymore. I can't let this one go. I can't. I know that everyone has lost everyone. I know that I have the privilege of my father being alive, and you and everyone else, but I can't let this just float away like everything else. I can't. I am sorry. I can't. She was more to me than just forgetting because we have to keep moving. I don't know what you me to say!" I was yelling. The corridor was reflecting my voice back to me. All eyes on me. Did Six hear, we weren't too far off? "You know what, its only been a month you are gonna have to give me more time. I am sorry."

"You're sorry? I can't compete with her alive or dead. But you're sorry. All I want is to help you, and you won't let me. I saw this coming. So I just wanted to tell you that I will be bunking elsewhere till you get your head straight. You know incase you noticed I was not around."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six:

**Chapter Six:**

I watch her go. I don't know. Maybe I am tired of chasing someone who does not want to be caught? She rounds the corner and is gone. No I am not married to Kara; I married Dee, my wasted life, chasing me. It won't end. I am tired so I walk back home. I run into Col. Tigh. He is just leaving my father's room. Lucky me I have the privilege of being on the same level as dad and Col. Tigh and C.I.C, Col Tigh grunts a "hello Major." I offer a pleasant attempt at "Sir." He moves on his way. 

I turn the hatch and the vacuum sucks me in. I spin; deadbolt and the lights are off. I stumble to my empty spinning bed kick off my shoes and flop down. Dramatic effect that no one can see. I think about the day. I think about days, moments, time. I think about Kara, I think about my brother, my secret lost love, the girl no one knew about. The girl I never think about. The could have been's. I think about all these things. In the dark, with the rumble of faulty o2 scrubbers as my only witness. The marine clinking and clanking as he walks the corridor, I drown it all out. And I think about her. Down there in the bowels, alone, unafraid. I think about how truthful she is being, did she really try to help? Did they really turn on her? Did Gaius leave with a Three? I think about how this all fits into my interest, how it all makes sense in this insane world, a floating world, sailing into the dark. This is stupid. I get back up put my shoes back on and head down to visit my client. 

Since when did he become "my" client?

Sgt. Matthias stands guard outside of Dr. Baltar's cell. Gunny is a good choice this late in the night. She won't get slow, won't make a mistake and won't let Gaius get killed despite her personal feelings on the matter. It was my choice to have her on the night shift and she was grateful in her own bitter way.

"Well, hello Major, how've you been? Me I could be sleeping or cleaning my guns like normal, but what is normal? Here to see the creep?"

"Yeah, you know I love you right Gunny?"

"Don't sweet talk me, go on and tell me if you are gonna kill him so I can get some sleep."

"Ha-ha….Thanks Matthias, its good to be able to count on people." 

She does not smile and lets me in. Gaius is not sleeping. He is talking out loud to air. His prison garb is disheveled and he seems to be in frantic state. He takes no notice of me and proceeds on with conversation.

"What are you saying? No more mind games I need to know? Is she alright? Is she? Tell me!"

"Gaius? Gaius!"

"What do want? Why are you here?" confusion in his eyes.

"Who were you talking to?"

"No one." he stammers still looking in that direction. There is a connection with the way they act, something they see that we don't. He rights himself, jealous again. Sizing me up. "What do you want Major, I have not spoken with my attorney today, I don't see why you came down here. Are you taking pride in interrupting my privacy?"

"I am trying to help you."

"Trying impress her are you?" he threatens.

"She won't be impressed by me helping you. She hates you and wants you to die. Just like everyone else."

"So why help me?" he asks half believing 

"Because I can. And I hate to see injustice. And I need some order and maybe helping you will quiet the storm." I lie.

"And you are trying to impress her." he says again. A threat again and a promise.

"No, he is trying to piss off his dad. The Major here is way too caught up on the dead pilot to think about your ex."

"Romo, what are you doing up?" I ask him. He creaks around me and leans against the bars of the cell.

"Just needed a word, heard you where down here." 

"Sure what's up?"

"No not here. In your quarters. I'll meet you there. I don't want to interrupt you and my client here." he limps off leaving me and an equally confused Gaius Baltar to ponder the exit.

'You may have Romo fooled but I know better. You lurk around me, you want to know what its like? What's the fascination? Is there really a difference? Can you ever really trust them? Let me enlighten you….again. I didn't know what she was; all I knew was that I wanted her. She infected me from our first meeting. Random and chance an encounter, I didn't know her name, what her parents where like, I knew nothing and the logic, the logic escaped. I should have known. What do you think is going to happen? Your world and hers are a million miles apart. They will find me guilty and kill me. All for her. All for the feel of her. I am trying to warn you and you still won't listen…"

"You blame her for everything that you have done wrong. Every one is the reason except you."

"No. I know why I am here. But I won't kid myself and say she is not a part of it."

"Why did you leave her for a Three?"

Blank stunned look on his face. All the poetic dribble, the pompous ego driven mania, the blameless heeds of warning, shocked into submission. He has just crashed course. It was not just my world colliding with hers; it was all worlds, time snapping back, a black hole, a collapsing universe. 

"She told you about that did she?"

"Yes she did. Why leave her, why leave the only woman, the only person in the known universe who could take your shit? Why?"

He laughs. He laughs and its sinister and creepy. He slaps his knee, doubles over in maniacal glee. He thanks god. Not a specific god but god none the less. If I didn't know better I would say that he was about to do a jig. He leans very close to the bars, menacing and suddenly threatening. I didn't know Gaius Baltar could do that.

"You are now a part of the plan. You are in love with her. For whatever reason God has chosen you and now you will know what its like."

"I am not in love with her."

"No of course you aren't. You haven't been inside yet. I won't let you take her from me. God wouldn't allow it……..would he? No matter….its proof…..And when I get out of here……." Looking off the side again.

"Who are you talking to? Gaius, Gaius……."

"Come on Major. Visit is up." Matthias says.

"Two more minutes Gunny….ok."

"1:50…" Matthias walk away but close enough to linger. Gaius is wild eyed and angry. He is looking off like he is somewhere else.

"She does it too…..Gaius, I've seen her do the same thing……what does it mean? Who are you talking to?"

"I'm talking to her." 

Time is up.

So its time to go. Thinking about talking to Helo about falling for Sharon. Thinking about why I wanted to commit genocide, thinking about setting her free. I leave Gaius again. I can't think of a reason why I came here. I say goodnight to Matthias and head back to my place. Romo's escort is outside my room I walk in.

"Two things Major. One, don't talk to my client without me present. Two, stay out of my way. I have a way of doing things. A way you couldn't understand. I want you off the case. Go mourn your loss and heal your wounds. I can't have you in my world. Stay away. If I need ya, I'll fetch."

"Romo….wait."

"That's all. I'm not one to repeat myself. Mourn, drink, do whatever you must, but don't frak up my case."

And with that Romo was gone. 

So he can see her in his mind. So what. She did say that their psychology was based on projecting. Maybe she sends images and thoughts to him so what? So why? I need to sleep. I need to dream about something else. 


End file.
